Blade Runner 2049 is two hours of Ryan Gosling looking blankly into the camera and only 44 minutes of an actual story.
Maybe a little less if you exclude the credits. Either way, the movie is bad.
The film picks up 30 years in the future from the original movie, “Blade Runner,” released in 1982. The neo-noir science fiction tale centers on Los Angeles Police Officer K (Gosling). K’s job is one of a blade runner who tracks down bioengineered humans known as replicants. Humans manufacture these replicants to be slave labor.
Some of these replicants have escaped and it is K’s job to kill them once located. During his investigation of a case, he finds evidence that could change the balance of power on Earth, leaving K with a tough decision.
He then begins a search for Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), a former blade runner who went missing 30 years ago, for answers to his questions.
Science fiction has always been something that I have loved and cherished. The stories are interesting, characters are colorful, and the setting is usually out of this world, literally sometimes. All of these elements add up to a fantastic experience.
The first time I saw the original “Blade Runner” was as an eighth-grader at a friend’s house. It hooked me from the beginning to the end.
Ford was just that cool. Not many thought he could ever top Han Solo or Indiana Jones, but somehow he did.
When I went to see this latest chapter I was stoked. The trailer promised a story that was full of depth and character but nothing of that sort materialized on the screen. Instead what I got was a movie whose story appeared to have atrophied. It was nothing of its former self with the exception of the title.
The story in “Blade Runner 2049” is largely incomplete and does not know in which direction to take its audience. There are also a lot of questions left unanswered, and there are holes big enough in the plot to drive my car through.
However, the worst choice — apart from the bad acting — was the choice to cast Gosling in the featured role. His name in connection with a movie almost certainly means death to quality. This trend has been in his previous works such as “Drive” and “Gangster Squad.”
The writers in this movie tried to recreate that neo-noir feeling but when they tried to do that it just came off as weird with Gosling staring blankly into the camera like a cow in a field.
Blade Runner 2049 is a slow trip to nowhere. Avoid this film at all costs. If you do venture to see this movie remember the phrase written above the gates of Hell from Dante’s “Divine Comedy.” The phrase is “Abandon hope all ye who enter here.”
I give “Blade Runner 2049” zero mustaches out of five.
The film is rated R for violence, some sexuality, nudity, and language and runs 164 minutes.
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